I have seen the moon's shadow cast on the ground;
ever so deeply dark, yet ever so bright.
it's a beautiful night; the stars shining.
I have traveled to the stars and back.
seeing each as diamonds in the sky
their brilliance shatters the midnight
I have walked a long distance to witness
the dew on the grass begins to form
a warm breeze swept over the land
I have noticed dark times in my life
yet this moment is changing me
I am noticing things in life for once
I have seen a dark horseman in my dreams
he haunts me only on a full moon
my dreams are a mirror of my life
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Great title. You do a fantastic job describing a scene and the contrast between light and dark is lovely. I like how you transition from a place of peace to a haunted feeling. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteSuggestions:
-Stanza 3: each line seems like a different image - how can you connect these?
-Stanza 2: i love, "their brilliance shatters the midnight" - describe stars with something else as diamonds...it's already been done :)
-Stanza 1: I think you could revamp your 2nd two lines. Don't use rhyme and make them less choppy.
(9)
Dude awesome! I envy your skillz! Oh, and here's a billion bucks! XD
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